Real Conversation

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nakedly:

you are not fat
you have fat 
you also have fingernails 
you are not fingernail 

Litter

Mom: “You need to start cleaning the litter box everyday.”

Me: “I’m not doing shit.”

Hahahah. Puns.

fablemccloud:

flyingpig890:

thegodofseduction:

vivid-imaginations1144:

yencid:

How can you NOT find this cool?

#dragons aren’t dead #they just transformed into cats

TOOTHLESSS

This look never means anything good is going to happen.

 So cute.

me on crack

Apr 5

Window

Escaping out of my window stealthy.

Uncle: “What are you doing?”

Freezes.

Me: “Well, you see, what happen was.. I was seeing if, my window blinds, really do block people from seeing in.”

Me: “And.. It looks like they do so… problem solved.”

Apr 5

Tumblr Girl

I’m in class minding my own business.

Girl: “I’ve been meaning to ask you, since you got here… but do you have a Tumblr?”

Me: “Uh, yeah I do… how did you know?”
Wtf do I have my url stamped to my forehead?

Girl: “Your shoes, your style…”

Hold up, my freaking shoes gave me away?

Girl: “It’s hard to explain…”

Me: “Now now, don’t be shy with me.”

Girl: “You look like the girls on Tumblr.”

Head explodes. Head explodes in five different angles. You mean.. Those.. models? You just made me one happy mother f…

Apr 5
We just met yesterday. Like dude calm down.

We just met yesterday. Like dude calm down.

Apr 5

Real “Spring Breaker”

Me: “So what are you going to do during Spring Break?”

Katyln: “Get high.”

Me: “Oh?” I said it so unimpressed I scared myself.

Me: “With what are you getting high with?”

You never know, kids these days are crazy. I wouldn’t be surprised if she said she was gonna sniff markers and paint or sniff coke. They can get high off anything-almost.

Katyln: “Weed. Every Spring Break, for three years now, I get high as hell.”

Apr 5

Library

Grabs a book about eating disorders.

Mom: “What are you getting?”

Me: “This.”

Shows her the book while uncle looks over my mom’s shoulder.

Uncle: “Ah, to diagnose yourself.”

Burn. Like verbal slap in the face much. Was that really necessary?

Me: “No…I’m reading about mental disorders and I do it one mental disorder at a time, in sections.. next is schizophrenia.”

nandabanaota:

if santa can eat thousands of cookies in one night why can’t i

(Source: xpw)

My version.

"You get the best-of both worlds,
Live as rich as a king
Yet as poor as a shit.”