Project Shutdown: How Tumblr changed me
I remember when my friend introduced me to Tumblr. She told me “It’s like instagram but 100 times better” to quote it. I was thinking you post images from your device and have your own profile type thing. When she showed me, I was really confused, “These aren’t your pictures..” I told her, “Yeah they’re not, I re-blog them.” She said “Re-blog them?” I was very new to this. “Why don’t you post your own pictures? Why do you re-blog someone else’s thing? Isn’t that like stealing? Where is the uh, creativity in this?” I didn’t really like the idea, and it felt uncomfortable posting something that wasn’t mine. Actually really uncomfortable. It felt fake to me.
So since I didn’t have a camera, I made blog post that were 100% me, because these conversations actually happened. Anyways, my friend hated it (my blog, this blog). So I made another where I try this reblogging thing. After a while I got used to it, postings images that weren’t mine. (If you’re a heavy Tumblr user, stop reading already-you’re probably hate me for saying all this.) I’d post happy things, my friend? Not so much.
Anyways then my friend was asking how much followers I had, I told her one. She asked how many people I was following, only one, which was her. Why follow anyone else I don’t know? And I didn’t care about followers at all.
Continuing on, I was experimental, (live for the experiences) and I made a blog just for followers and things that were “popular” on Tumblr (the dark side of Tumblr). This involves everything I hate(d) but that people praise in Tumblr; so; cigarettes, nasty making-out scenes, depression, apathy, fast food, pretty much everything superficial and unhappy (seriously all the nudes on Tumblr are just so nasty, does nobody even notice?) (And yeah I’m gonna get some hate mail tonight, whatever). The point of this experiment was to see how much images can effect you, and how followers effect your Tumblr. Ha, so everyday I re-blogged and hated what I posted. Then, soon after- I noticed the images really were effecting me, negative thoughts came rushing in my mind like never before, I started to get anxiety, had trouble making decisions, and the line between “good”, “bad” and “cool” were all being blurred. I generally am a happy person and I am confident about my weight. This blog made me feel as though I needed to loose weight. Then worst things happened, I started to want to drink, smoke, and other things that were unnecessary and harmful to me. The worst part was when I collected so much followers, it felt more like a bad addiction than an experiment. I wanted to stop, but I felt as though I would let my followers down.
I had to have some alone time to regain my senses. I decided all my followers were fake anyway, they don’t care about my blog, and the means in which I’ve got them were a follow-for-a-follow, meaning, they just followed back because I followed them. Even though some reblogged my reblogs, I felt really bad about it. For one, it’s not mine, I didn’t create any of it, so they’re not praising me, they’re praising whoever took the picture. And second, it meant I was promoting all the shit I hated/hate. Think about it, when you reblog something, you’re exposing the next person with that content, whether it being a positive message or a negative one. And lets face it (you’re really going to hate me now, but remember this is mostly opinionated) the teen side of Tumblr is mostly made up of superficial things. What’s wrong with superficial? You may ask, well, in moderation, it’s quite okay. But Tumblr goes over moderation, it’s full on. Being superficial and all about how you look (it’s great to want to be the best you can be in and out, but Tumblr takes it too far with outter shell-pursing superficially above everything else) and/or impressing the online audience the wrong way will make you unhappy in the end. It will crush your self-esteem, because you’re just pretending. It’s not you. And pretending is left for actresses/actors, in the end of the day, they go back to being themselves.